We Ordered Pizza From The Dark Web

 It was the summer of my junior year when the events of this story took place. My brother and I were chilling at home, playing Super Smash Brothers Brawl when we heard a knock on our door. I answered it to see our older brother standing at our doorstep.

"Ted!" I cried out.

"Nice to see you, Brad. Is Harry here?"

"Yeah, he and I are playing some Brawl. Care to join us?"

Ted responded with a " Fuck yeah!". Then he stepped inside.

While playing with him was fun, his faster reflexes and greater experience with the game meant he'd beat us eight out of ten times. Even when we tried to team up on him. We soon switched to other games. Pokemon XD Gale Of Darkness and Metroid Prime. But soon we grew bored. I figured we could pass the time by playing Yugioh or something. However, Ted suggested we should browse the deep web.

"Isn't that dangerous?" I asked.

"Yeah, Ted. We've heard stories about people going on there. Then having their info leaked and strangers stalking their homes."

Our brother informed us as long as we didn't commit the classic amateur deep web browsing mistakes, we'd be fine. Said mistakes were, not using a VPN. And not unplugging our webcam or at least covering it up if we happened to be using a laptop. Which we were. After making sure the laptop's built-in mic and webcam were covered in duct tape, we went on the deep web.

For the most part, it wasn't really as exciting as we were expecting. The best thing we came across, was a space shooter in which we played as a giant penis shooting sperm at spaceships. Next, we found a live stream that had a man dancing in just his underwear while rubbing cream cheese on his chest, and he had clothespins attached to his nipples.

"Not that I want to see anyone get killed or anything like that, but is there anything actually interesting to do on here?" I asked.

"We can check out some more things in a bit. Right now, I'm hungry though."

"Yeah me too. As bizarre as it is to say, I think watching this guy has made me hungry for cheese."

"Do you guys have any food in the kitchen?"

"No. But, mom left us some money if we wanted to order something," Harry said.

I was about to propose ordering pizza when coincidentally an ad for pizza popped up on the screen. It read " Deep Web's Deep Dish Pizza."

"Huh. I kinda like the name. Should we click on it? Or do you think it may be a virus?" Harry asked Ted.

"It might be. Do you  want to risk it?"

"Eh. What the hell,. This is an old laptop, anyway," I said.

Ted clicked on the banner, which opened up a menu. On that menu were some of the most mouth-watering pizzas we've ever seen. Not only pizza but also pasta, breadsticks, mozzarella sticks, and desserts among other things. Hell, even the salad looked presentable for a pizza place.  Above the picture was a button that said," Order Here". We talked about what we wanted for a few minutes and eventually, we decided on a meat lovers pizza with olives, mushrooms, and stuffed crust, mozzarella sticks, apple pie pizza, and two big bottles of Dr. Pepper.

Just as a precaution, we decided to pay in cash and make sure we put the address in as somewhere public that was close by. When we arrived at our location, which was the library down the street, we saw the delivery guy who had our order waiting by the front desk. Regular looking dude. He looked to be in his early thirties. What was odd was that he wasn't wearing a uniform or anything. He just had regular clothes on. We paid for our food. Then we went outside, to eat it in Ted's car. It was fucking delicious. The meat was cooked just right. And the cheese was super stringy. We were busy trying some of the apple pie pizza and mozzarella sticks when we heard someone tap the driver's window.

We looked out to see the delivery guy, holding up a bottle of Dr. Pepper. The food was so good, we didn’t even notice we were missing one. He motioned for Ted to put down his window. Ted did so. Then the man apologized for forgetting and handed Ted the Dr.Pepper.

"By the way, how's the pizza?" The man asked.

"This stuff kicks ass! We'll have to order from you guys more often!" Ted replied.

"Glad you liked it. But, to make up for my foolish mistake earlier, how about I give you guys something extra?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that."

The man insisted and eventually we caved. He ran to his car and came back with a small box. He told us it was filled with cookies. Then handed it to Ted.

"Well that was nice of him," I said as the man walked away. " Let me get a couple of those cookies."

"You got it," Ted replied, opening the box.

However instead of cookies, what we saw inside looked to be some kind of smoke grenade. And it went off, sending fumes throughout the car. The fumes must've been some kind of knockout gas. Because we began to feel really dizzy. The last thing I saw before passing out, was the man smiling at me through the window. And unfortunately, there wasn't anyone else outside.

When we woke up, we found ourselves in a musty, smelly room with a single floor lamp beaming down on us like a spotlight, but very dimly lit. We figured we must be in a basement. All three of us were tied up with rope, in the middle of the floor. From out of the shadows appeared the man. The dim light of the lamp was the only thing illuminating his face.

"Look who is finally awake!" He exclaimed.

"You crazy mother fucker! Let us go!" Ted demanded.

"Let you go? I can't do that! I like to share something with customers who appreciate my cooking!"

"Wait, you made those pizzas?" I asked.

"Yes, I did. I run this business all by myself."

"And what exactly are you going to share with us?" Harry asked, hesitantly.

"They say, you are what you eat. So, I'll make you guys into pizza!" He said, flipping a switch to turn on the overhead light.

Now, you may be thinking, "If he had a regular light, why did he even bother with that stupid lamp?"

To be honest, I don't know. The man was odd, to say the least. The only thing I can think of is that he did it for dramatic effect. Anyway, when he turned on the light, it revealed at least a dozen naked corpses hanging on hooks along the walls. And they each had parts missing. One girl had her head missing. The man laughed when he saw our horrified expressions.

"You sick fuck!" Harry cried out.

"Never heard that one before. Oh, and just so you know, this is where the meat for my meat lover's pizza comes from."

"Wait..so you mean that we've been eating.."

"That's right, bitches! You've been eating people meat!"

All three of us started gagging.

"Oh come on, don't throw up. I have enough cleaning to do as it is," The man said.

"And, I'm guessing you are going to kill us. Then make us into toppings?" I asked.

"Hey, you catch on quick. Now, I'll give you all a couple of minutes to decide who'll be first," The man said, sharpening a knife with his back turned.

I looked over to see what my brothers were doing. It turned out, Harry and Ted had found two shards of glass that the man must have forgotten to pick up. And were trying to cut away their ropes with it. They both gave me a look, so I knew that I had to be the one to distract him. The man turned, sporting a wide toothy smile and holding a large carving knife. Then began walking towards us. Luckily, he couldn't see what my brothers were doing from where he was.

"Wait!" I said, sitting up.

" What is it?" He asked, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I was just wondering how one gets to be a cannibalistic pizza maker."

"Are you stalling?"

"No!... I just figured someone with such an interesting occupation must have an interesting background."

"Well, it's not like anyone will be able to find us out here. I suppose I can summarize to you guys, what my life has been like."

We all made sure to look at him. And pretend to seem interested.

 See, I grew up the middle child of four brothers and five sisters. Everyone in my family had a natural cooking ability. That is except for me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the hang of it. Something my family chastised me greatly for. So, when I was sixteen, I did the only rational thing I could think of. I drugged my entire family, cut off parts of their flesh. Then baked my first pizza using the meat. And let me tell you, it was a damn good pizza. I even made my family eat it. But they threw it up. I could tell they liked the taste of it though. And so did you guys."

"Did you kill your family?"

" Hm? Oh, of course. And I burned all the evidence. After that, I drifted for a while, setting up my business in different places. Before  I came here. I admit running things was difficult. It wasn't easy getting victims. That is until I stumbled across this deep web stuff. I must say it's very convenient. And a great way for me to run things. Now, have you decided who will be first yet? Because if not, I'll decide for you."

"Actually, we have," I said, feeling two sharp objects poke my palm.

"Who will it be then?"

"Shards."

The man gave me a confused look. That quickly turned to surprise, when Harry and Ted sat up, As I lay on my side. Before the man could react,  they threw the shards of glass at him. One went right into his throat and the other in his face cutting a gash right next to his eye. . He staggered back, gasping as his temple and neck bled. My brothers quickly pulled off the rest of their ropes. Then, Ted charged the man, while Harry untied my rope. Once I was free, we joined Ted in kicking the shit out of that dude. It turned into a good old-fashioned brotherly ass whooping.

I mean we went to town on this guy. We kicked him in the ribs for a few minutes. Then we took turns stomping on his crotch. We even did that thing, where Harry got him up and held him with his arms behind his back, and Ted and I took turns gut-punching him over and over until he went limp to the floor gasping for air. As much fun as it was beating the crap out of that asshole, Harry eventually went upstairs and found a phone in the house and called the police. When they arrived you could tell some of them were freaked out by how crazy the scene looked. A couple detectives took our statements while some uniformed officers wearing latex gloves started bagging evidence. Two more officers arrested the man noting he was lucky that one shard of glass didn’t go any deeper into his neck. After the detectives got all the information they needed from us, another officer then gave us a ride back to the library.

You know, throughout the questioning, there was one thing we all three forgot to mention. We still had some of that pizza left over in Ted’s car.

And, I know we should have turned it into the police. But, as crazy as that guy was, he was right about one thing, that pizza was damn good. And my brothers and I figured, why let good food go to waste?